'Frankly my dear...'

Well not strictly true, I'm learning to give less of a damn, slowly…baby steps.

Hello world, I'm back. I've been a bit poorly recently (get your violin out lads) so I took some time away from the blog, putting it to one side till I was better. Well, I'm not much better but I really bloody missed writing. 'I missed writing' LOL….who am I? What have I become?

Deciding to write on the blog again actually is the inspo behind this piece. Running through my head was a thousand thoughts:

'What if people aren't interested in reading it anymore?', 'What if people think I have been a cop out with the blogging thing and gave up on it ?', 'What would Tom Hardy and I name our baby?'…Ok, the last one isn't a thought linked directly to this, but it is a thought that occasionally pops up in my head.

I was so concerned and worried what people would think or say that I've put off writing this for a couple of weeks. Then I realised that me worrying what other people think about me, what I do, what I say, what I wear was happening almost everyday. And today it really pissed me off. (Soz for the swears).

For years, I have been so consumed and wrapped up by what other people's opinions of me are that I have lost my own opinion of myself. Of course its imprinted in our DNA to be liked, wanted, accepted but I think its got to the point where its interfering with my own life. Everyday my little brain throws up little nuggets of 'What are they thinking about me?', 'Do they like me?', 'Are they thinking that I am a failure?' 'What would Tom Hardy and I name our baby?'(That thought...it just jumps right in there).

It torments us day in day out and today I'd had enough. I sat down and thought how free and relaxed I'd feel if I just let go of those thoughts, try it. I'm sure I'm not alone in this so I urge you to try, even just for one day to really try to not think about what other people think of you. After all, you are the star of your own show, everybody else is just the ensemble, background extras, observers. Except your mum, what your mum says goes…if she says you're an asshole…you're 99.9% being an asshole.

I will never forget when I made the decision not to stay at Uni. I never really wanted to go in the first place, it was kind of a 'well I probably should go, everyone else is' thing. Then when I got there the course wasn't what I thought it would be, I was paying silly dollar to live in a place where I would regularly find a guy who didn't live in our house, eating MY cereal, out of MY bowl (we had words) and truth be told, I missed home. It just wasn't right for me at that time.

I was totally fine about withdrawing until BAM, brain fart, 'What are people going to think?', 'People will think I'm a failure', "They are all going to think I'm a baby'…and yes people did make comments about me leaving, some fairly negative and catty comments as well (those bitches) and for months I let these people think I had made the wrong decision about my own life!

Now I realise that people don't know what's best for you. Legit. I'm not a colossal fuck up for not going to uni and actually now know what I want from life (and no uni debts, yipeeeeeeeeeeeee) People can give their opinion about it, and for sure don't be a dick to them, but at the same time don't be a dick to yourself and end up letting someone else dictate how you live your life.

Life is simply too short for that crap.

So remember next time your worrying, stressing, Rylan 'X Factor' level crying about what people think of you: