Lifestyle Blog with a little added groan for good measure.

Saturday, 31 December 2016

It's been a funny sort of year...






It really has been a strange year hasn’t it? A real life, giant oompa-loompa won the presidential race over the pond, the UK consciously uncoupled from the EU and Ed Balls publically danced a salsa to ‘Gangnam Style’…had we not suffered enough? My eyes being permanently scared from the latter has not been the reason that I haven’t blogged though.

I’ve been ill. Really ill.

Sorry to be a Debbie Downer within the first 4 lines but I’ve got to get it of my chest and say what’s been going on. I personally think it will save what’s left of 2016…I’m doing it for the people really.

Just a head’s up guys, what I am about to write isn’t going to be pretty and at times is going to be ranking at a 9.7 on the minging scale but this illness doesn’t deserve to be seen through rose tinted glasses or “covered in chocolate buttons” to make it seem like its not serious. (Just a little Love Actually reference there…I obviously had a very productive Christmas and didn’t watch that film 14 times, not at all…ahem).

So, I developed an illness. An illness that you couldn’t physically see. An illness that Doctor’s couldn’t physically see and an illness that I definitely couldn’t see. Or maybe I could and just didn’t want to. That illness is called ‘Orthorexia Nervosa’. I’ll save you the google search-

-Orthorexia
an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy.

That in a nutshell is what it is. At first it wasn’t an obsession either. You don’t just wake up one morning and think ‘I’m only going to eat chicken and green vegetables from now on…sounds like fun’.

Mine started when I was working towards a dancing competition at the end of 2015, I wanted to cut back on junk food, eat a bit healthier so I could look and feel better in my self. And it worked. I had less wobbly bits, my skin was clearer and I felt happier. Mix that with exercise videos and I felt on top of the world. I went to the main competition in April feeling super fit, in the best shape of my life and confident I could get the job done and make that final.

But then I didn’t.

I was gutted…actually, that’s the understatement of the year, I was devastated. I went down to earth like a sack of shit with a lead shaped bullet dragging me down even faster. I had failed and it hurt. All I kept thinking was everything I had worked towards had been a waste, I was a failure, I wasn’t good at anything.

But I was, I was good at exercising and eating healthily. At the time I could remember thinking this was a redeeming quality, a skill that I had worked hard to gain and I wasn’t going to fail at this how I had at dancing. So I kept working out…then I started working out every day…then twice a day…with a 10 mile walk every other day added in for good measure. I got to the point where I had a fitness ‘routine’ to complete whilst brushing my teeth. If I didn’t complete 50 squats, 50 side crunches and 50 calf raises whilst doing my teeth I was a failure.. Then came the routine before I went to bed-

1 minute plank
1 minute side plank( each side)
40 push ups
40 sit ups
40 squats
1 minute plank

Again, if I didn’t complete this I had failed, I was a failure, I was going to wake up fat. It seems far-fetched but this is how my mind started to work, all my energy was focused on exercising and eating ‘clean’.

Oh yes, the eating.

At the start of the year I started to follow a guy called ‘The Body Coach”, who had a very simple way of eating clean – after a workout eat your carbs with your protein and veg and the other times knock out the carbs and fill your plate with a healthy fat instead. 
Easy.

And it works.

I’m not knocking his plan by any means. This guy has changed so many people's lives for the better and my experience is probably very rare in his business but what I am knocking is this man’s very subtle wording. He would throw words around like ‘guilty’ on his snapchat when he would add a sweet potato to his dinner, or if he had been a bit cheeky and brought a Mars bar on his way home. The phrase ‘earn your dinner’ was another favourite of his as well. All innocent…except my brain took them, mangled them up and spat them back out.

I took the phrase ‘earn your dinner’ to the extreme, I would think that I hadn’t worked hard enough during a workout (even though I would be seeing black dots) so I would halve my portion of the carb I was meant to have, then I brought scales so I could have 50g of carbohydrate, no more no less. Then I just cut them out completely. Which is all well and good when you are getting enough protein and fats…but I halved them as well. I stopped cooking in coconut oil, the holy grail of clean eating, and cooked vegetables in water. I cut out nuts and red meats as they were too high in calories…and I was in no position to waste them. Did you know that in 20-23 almonds, dependent on the size of the nut, there are 173 calories? I did. And I knew all calorie counts for 30g of 5 different types of nuts. I became the “Rain Main” of calorie counting. I ended up at my worst point living on 400-500 calories a day…and still exercising at a high intensity.

Now this no carb thing only lasts so long, and eventually you start to get cravings that you really cannot ignore. Your mind is already tired and against you where you aren’t feeding and nourishing it properly so you begin to lose the ability to control cravings. I would find myself saying ‘Look just have one biscuit, one biscuit wont hurt you and it will curb that craving’, so I would have one…and then another…and then another. Before I knew it I would have eaten entire packets of biscuits, 7 bowls of cereal, countless packets of crisps and bars of chocolate (and sometimes it would even be chocolate that I didn’t like). It would be like something would take over you, half the time I didn’t even realise I had binged until the mist would disappear and you would be left with the harsh reality of bright empty packets all over the kitchen floor, it felt like evidence at a crime scene. Then the swollen stomach would appear where it would have stretched, not used to being full of food, the jaw ache from eating things at super sonic speeds…and then the guilt. The guilt of being a cheat, a fraud, a loser. “I need to get rid of it”. “I need to get rid of it now.” I would find myself grabbing a bottle of water and running up to the bathroom…it became another one of my routines.

Spoiler alert…you know that grim bit I was talking about, yeah, this is it. Brace yourselves.

I can’t remember when it was the first time I made myself sick, I remember I cried though. I also used salt water as I was too frightened to use something to aggravate the throat.  I decided against the salt water after that first time as I read somewhere it could make you even more bloated because of the salt in your stomach…not the fact that it’s dangerous, messes with your bodies electrolytes and can damage your kidneys but the fact that I could end up with a bloated stomach.

In all honesty I think this was the part of my illness that I was most ashamed of. It felt dirty. I felt dirty. But once I flushed the toilet I can remember having this overwhelming sense of cleanliness…odd when you’ve got vomit round your face but I think maybe it was because the ‘dirty’, ‘bad’ food was gone…whooossh, down the drain. No one ever had to know. It was gone. I would come out and carry on my day, get into bed…I'd even go back out for my dance lesson.

The damage that this did to my body though was more damaging than not eating. I lost my period for a year. I would get regular nosebleeds when purging because of the force needed (I even met one girl who burst blood vessels in her eyes due to making herself sick, she’s in a unit now). I would have an unbearably sore throat for weeks on end and would have burns on my knuckles where the stomach acid would touch it. I would sometimes get heart palpitations and nearly pass out from exhaustion. Swollen cheeks, swollen glands…oh and I’ve also striped some of the enamel from the back of my teeth. Yet I still carried on, every 10 days or so when the hunger got so unbearable, there I was, raiding kitchen cupboards again. The day after I binge I would ‘punish’ myself by having 1 boiled egg, (only the whites though) and an apple.  I didn't take many picturesn of myself as most of the time I thought I looked fat and ugly but I did take these pictures after I had binged once, this was at the start of the downward spiral (and around a stone heavier than I was at my lowest weight) to inspire myself to not let myself get "this big again”…I thought I looked fat in these pictures.


       


That’s the thing with this disease, at the time everything seems to be in your control, rational and normal, yet the reality is you lose everything and you gladly give it away. It has you gripped so tightly that you believe that its how life should be. 
I would have frequent blackouts and one morning my mum found me fitting in my bedroom as she heard my head hitting my doorframe repeatedly. 
You end up with a brain that does nothing but think about food all the time (Should I eat that, I shouldn’t eat that, If I have that then I cant eat that), I would eat two apples in a day and think it was too much. You’re kept awake at night from hunger pains, your bones digging into your mattress, thinking about what meals to eat the next day when you already know what you’ll be having. 
Sometimes when I couldn’t sleep I would YouTube videos of people making food or Google the amount of calories there are in a Twix bar. Every time I washed my hair I would end up with copious amounts of hair in the brush that had fallen out. 

I was constantly cold, freezing in fact (I was wearing jumpers and gloves in August), my nails were blue, I had bruises all over my body and at my lowest weight I had lost so much fat that my veins constantly protruded out of my arms…handy for the blood tests I had to have. But I thought it was nothing, I would make excuses, blaming everything else. But that’s all physical problems, what it doesn’t say in the NHS guide is how lonely you become. I didn’t realise how many social occasions involved food. I remember once my mum surprised me with arranging for one of my best friends to meet us and my mum’s friend for brunch along the seafront in the summer, I had a vegetarian breakfast (I’m not even a veggie), asked for 3 items to be removed from it and had to ask how the mushrooms were cooked…I cried in the high street on the way home as I didn’t know how many calories I had eaten. Far from the nice morning my mum had planned. You get depressed and feel so down that eventually the best part of your day is going to bed.

I never wanted to die but sometimes I thought that it would be nice to sleep for a really long time. The days end up being very long as your constantly looking at the clock to see when you can next eat or when you have to get ready to exercise.

I stopped seeing friends, stopped planning things to do, stopped dreaming at night, I stopped reading as I couldn’t concentrate. I was moody all the time, I didn’t laugh or smile…unless the number on the scale went down, only then did I feel happy as I felt it had been worth the struggle and pain, I’d gotten a result. Only once you achieve a goal, its not good enough and you try and go one further, nothing is ever good enough for this disease. I truly believe that an eating disorder will only be happy when your dead. You never think you’re ill ‘enough’ , “Look Mum, this girl has it so much worse than me, she only eats 200 calories a day”, “I’m still exercising, I’m fine”. I ended up losing just over 2 stone in the space of 4 and ½ months… I didn’t have 2 stone to lose.

I found this quote and I think it really sums up what life is like with an eating disorder-

“An eating disorder is not skipping meals or wanting to loose a few pounds- for sure it may start like this but it’s a mental disease. One that controls your life and overpowers everything else. Its so much more that just ‘being skinny’. It transforms you into a different person, steals your personality and happiness and replaces it with fear, anxiety and depression’.

And it’s true. I may now be at a ‘healthy weight’ but it has left me with anxiety. Anxiety that some days has left me not being able to leave the house…but that’s for a different post, I already feel like I’ve written more than I did in my English exam!

That’s the thing with eating disorders, anyone can have them. You don’t have to be underweight to have one, you can be extremely overweight, a normal ‘healthy’ weight, a boy, a girl, young or old, and it can strike at any time. I think its like a light switch, always there, ready and waiting for something or someone to flick it on. Did mine come from a need to have control? Maybe. Did it come from being told that I was a ‘big’ girl? Could be. It grows from so many different sources, stress, depression, perfectionism but in the end it drains you mentally and physically and slowly, but surely, it will end up killing you. Did you know eating disorders have the largest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder?  It’s made me much more aware and considerate of mental health disorders.

‘Just because you cant see an illness doesn’t mean it isn’t serious’.

Will this illness ever leave me and go? No, probably not. Will I ever not be aware of how many calories I am putting in my mouth? Doubtful. Will I be able to manage it though? Yes, yes I will.

So my aim from tomorrow is to loose the Christmas fluff (the word fat is banned in our house now) that I and probably 99% of the world have put on over Christmas but in a healthy, controlled way. To exercise because I want to feel good, not to punish my body. But my main aim is to be happy. Truly, truly happy. And that’s just a little something I’m working on…

But to finish, (Harry Potter just started on ITV1 btw) I have learned a lot this year. I learned that things don’t always turn out the way you planned them, or the way you think they should have. I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong, things that don’t always get fixed or put back together in the same way they were before. I’ve learned that sometimes things stay broken as well. But I’ve mainly learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, just as long as you have people who love you…its as simple as that.

Look after yourselves and have a fucking brilliant 2017.


Until next time,


SHARE:

Monday, 11 July 2016

'Frankly my dear...'




Well not strictly true, I'm learning to give less of a damn, slowly…baby steps.

Hello world, I'm back. I've been a bit poorly recently (get your violin out lads) so I took some time away from the blog, putting it to one side till I was better. Well, I'm not much better but I really bloody missed writing. 'I missed writing' LOL….who am I? What have I become?

Deciding to write on the blog again actually is the inspo behind this piece. Running through my head was a thousand thoughts:

'What if people aren't interested in reading it anymore?', 'What if people think I have been a cop out with the blogging thing and gave up on it ?', 'What would Tom Hardy and I name our baby?'…Ok, the last one isn't a thought linked directly to this, but it is a thought that occasionally pops up in my head.

I was so concerned and worried what people would think or say that I've put off writing this for a couple of weeks. Then I realised that me worrying what other people think about me, what I do, what I say, what I wear was happening almost everyday. And today it really pissed me off. (Soz for the swears).

For years, I have been so consumed and wrapped up by what other people's opinions of me are that I have lost my own opinion of myself. Of course its imprinted in our DNA to be liked, wanted, accepted but I think its got to the point where its interfering with my own life. Everyday my little brain throws up  little nuggets of 'What are they thinking about me?', 'Do they like me?', 'Are they thinking that I am a failure?' 'What would Tom Hardy and I name our baby?'(That thought...it just jumps right in there). 

It torments us day in day out and today I'd had enough. I sat down and thought how free and relaxed I'd feel if I just let go of those thoughts, try it. I'm sure I'm not alone in this so I urge you to try, even just for one day to really try to not think about what other people think of you. After all, you are the star of your own show, everybody else is just the ensemble, background extras, observers. Except your mum, what your mum says goes…if she says you're an asshole…you're 99.9% being an asshole.

I will never forget when I made the decision not to stay at Uni. I never really wanted to go in the first place, it was kind of a 'well I probably should go, everyone else is' thing. Then when I got there the course wasn't what I thought it would be, I was paying silly dollar to live in a place where I would regularly find a guy who didn't live in our house, eating MY cereal, out of MY bowl (we had words) and truth be told, I missed home. It just wasn't right for me at that time. 

I was totally fine about withdrawing until BAM, brain fart, 'What are people going to think?', 'People will think I'm a failure', "They are all going to think I'm a baby'…and yes people did make comments about me leaving, some fairly negative and catty comments as well (those bitches) and for months I let these people think I had made the wrong decision about my own life! 

Now I realise that people don't know what's best for you. Legit. I'm not a colossal fuck up for not going to uni and actually now know what I want from life (and no uni debts, yipeeeeeeeeeeeee) People can give their opinion about it, and for sure don't be a dick to them, but at the same time don't be a dick to yourself and end up letting someone else dictate how you live your life. 

Life is simply too short for that crap. 

So remember next time your worrying, stressing, Rylan 'X Factor' level crying about what people think of you:

  • What others think of you is their problem, not yours.
  • Always be true to yourself…no matter how hard that is sometimes.
  • Opinions aren't truths. Except your mumma's. Sometimes.

And to sign off I leave you with some genius...

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”- Dr. Seuss

Until next time, 










1a868cc63b98e13985de033dd94a5ab48abe27a4ede077823b



SHARE:

Sunday, 29 May 2016

'Bossin' Burgers...'


I love a burger. Possibly more than I love my Jimmy Choo's…possibly

And because of this, I thought I would be a really nice friend and give you my top 3 places to go for a blinding burger…could you want anything more? I think not.

So first up on the menu (hee hee, they just write themselves) is a personal highlight in the burger eating stakes…


Gourmet Burger Kitchen

First up, let us be thankful that we are blessed with GBK. This restaurant is just pure joy. The burgers are yum, the milkshakes are yum, the halloumi cheese bites are yum…its basically all just yum, ok?
What I particularly like about GBK is that there is something for everyone! You want a cheeseburger, they got it. You fancy a chicken burger, they got it. You want a swiss chocolate burger…ok, they don't got that, but there Persian Lamb burger is pretty darn special!

Salads are on the menu as are burgers for the Veggie's of the world, and the 'Sides' selection is great, you must try there 'Sweet Potato Fries' #addicted. They even have a gluten free menu so if you suffer with allergies you don't have to miss out on the fun!



My pick for GBK is:

Halloumi Bites with Kiwifruit & Habanero Hot Sauce
 GBK Cheese & Bacon Burger (Cheddar cheese, Crispy Bacon, BBQ Sauce, House Mayo, Dill Pickle & Salad)
 with
 Sweet Potato Fries
Vanilla Milkshake

You can check out there website to see where the nearest GBK restaurant is to you, so get stuck in guys!


Byron Burger

If you are looking for a proper, no messing about burger, then Byron is the place for you. I've been to the one in Covent Garden, London, a fair few times now and every time I've come away feeling like a winner. The burgers are made from British beef and are juicy juicy juicy and you even get the option of having your burger cooked to your liking (medium, medium rare, medium well and well done….faaaannccccaaaaaayyyyyy). 

Alongside a cracking beef burger they also offer, chicken, veggie and salads so you can indulge even when your on a 'clean eating' sesh! 

The prices personally are really reasonable for the quality of food you get and burgers start at £6.95! For sure if you want the full works it's going to be a bit pricier but...So. Worth. It.


They've even added a new burger to the menu just in time for Football season, the 'BYRONALDO' (Cristiano Ronaldo not included tho…damn it). 





My pick for Byron Burger is:

Tortilla Chips with Tomato Salsa and Guacamole (basically baby nachos, cute)
Cheeseburger (Cheddar cheese, lettuce, red onion and mayonnaise)
with
Sweet Potato Fries
Chocolate Brownie with Vanilla Ice Cream

Now Byron Burger has loads of restaurants all over London and if your lucky you might have one in your city as well but head over to their website to double check…oooh and keep an eye out for new restaurants opening as they really are growing their chain!


Five Guys

I'm still talking about burgers don't worry. 

Now Five Guys is fast becoming one of my favourite burger places, technically more a fast food vibe than a restaurant (think a sassier McDonalds) but they do serve up a wicked burger. It came over from America and us Brits have really taken to these...guys (hehe). 

They serve burgers, hot dogs and sandwiches and what I really love with this place is all of the toppings that they offer are free. Yes, you heard me correctly…they are free! Some places sting you for an extra few pounds just for a few mushrooms but here you can have as many or as little toppings as you want for no extra money…#bargainhunter. 

I also love the little bit of American authenticity with this place, they serve the food to you in a brown paper bag and the burgers are wrapped up in a silver foil. So if you are an Instagram nut like me it makes for a cracking picture!



My Pick for Five Guys:
Little Cheeseburger with lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, and ketchup
Five Guys Style Fries

Look you aren't going to be getting the most nutritious meal ever when you eat here (Go for the mini burgers, its like a fun size Mars Bar but better) but what you are getting is a decent burger for a decent price and sometimes that's just what we need. 

Besides any place that has Tom Hardy visit is a champ in my eyes…ladies and gentleman, no need to thank me for this…*swoon swoon swoon swoon swoon*


So there you have my top 3 burger places, drop me a comment if you have a favourite place for a beautiful burger and I'll be sure to add it to my list or let me know what you think of my choices! #ShareBurgerLove

Until next time,







SHARE:

Thursday, 26 May 2016

'Friend or Faux...'




'What does it mean to be a true friend?'

I found myself wondering the answer to this question just a few weekends ago, so I researched the answer (nerd alert) and found 25 little answers from people all over the world, the answers were all sweet, cheerful…and a little vomtastic! Just a few personal highlights from the answers to kick this post off,

'Always be there, even in silence'
'Be kind and listen. Be fun and light'
'Be genuinely happy when they get, receive or achieve something great'
'Accept the person as they are, as an individual, without conditions'
'Celebrate the wins and be there to support the losses.'

I told you they were cute.

But then it got me thinking…how many people can I call friends? Like real, 'I'll Be There For You' FRIENDS theme tune, friends. For sure I'm mega popular on Facebook (2,280 buds but whose counting…me btw), but how many a true. Has the desire for friends on 'social media' taken over from our need of actual real life friends? How many of us stay friends with people who do us more harm than good just because we are afraid that it will leave us lonely and, in my case, even more of an integral player for the #TeamHermits.

I think we first of all need to realise that we just outgrow people.
And that's ok.  
Yes it's shitty, yes it sucks a camel's dangly bits, but sometimes it just gets to the stage where we no longer have anything in common with that person, or maybe you've finally irritated each other to the point of no return.
Think back to school, like right back, I'm talking infant school…how many friends did you have then? Easily you was friends with all 30 children in your class, including the kid who picked his nose so much that it bled all the freeking time (Hi Jamie).
At the time we thought these friendships would be forever, I had so many 'BFF's' I was set for life. (And I'd have so many instagram followers now if we stayed friends…grrrrr).

Then you move on. Secondary school hits us square in the face and bam, the friendship group gets a bit smaller, for sure still a lots of friends and the 13th Birthday Party invites seemed endless but did it last? Probz not.
*Side note, if your 13 and reading this…life is one hard ass bitch and eventually you'll end up with 5 friends and an addiction to sweet potato fries & Gossip Girl…enjoy!*

And this cycle carries on throughout life. Every couple of years a few more jump of the 'Pal Plane' never to be seen again.

But is this a bad thing? Hmmmmmm….for me, no it isn't. OOOOOHH controversial.

I've found that in the past year or so this has happened to me. Quiet a few times actually. And its happening again now. People I once spoke to everyday can now barely bring themselves to even say 'hello' back to me. And it's sad. But its also life. I'm a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason and once their job has been done, they are free to go and be apart of another story…shit me, that was really beautiful. #Tearyface.

So we've covered the 'Outgrowing of Friends' but what about the 'Toxic Friends'? The 'Faux Friend'.

We all have them. Whether we choose to admit it or not.
I'm going to be brave and start it off…

'Hi, my name is Rianna Ellis and I've got some toxic friends'…and breathe.

It took me a little while to even realise that I had them nestled in my life, it was a bit like an easter egg hunt…but a really shit one where you discovered it wasn't chocolate in the egg, it was green tea. (Don't pretend you actually like dishwater guys).

It started for me when I realised what a liability this person was when we went out. They was always kicking off about something. Pushing, shoving, throwing a pair of tweezers (actually happened). It was not only embarrassing but it also made me, dare I say it, worried. Worried that it would kick off with strangers if they decided to run their mouth off to someone who would run there's 10 times harder. Like I'm all for an entertaining night out but a fight is a bit much for me…I'm not working with the best nose as it is.

Then the whole thing where they turn into a different person. Like Jekyll and Hyde 2.0. You'll go from their best bud to the butt of all their jokes in about 40 seconds flat, all because they want to impress someone else.

Oh but my personal highlight of this 'friendship' was the lack of support they gave. This friend never once wished me good luck for a dance competition, never once said 'well done pal' when I had achieved something great and never once actually asked how I was actually doing.

And that's not cool. It's actually seriously uncool…seriously. This is a serious post now. Serious face.

And if we can't be honest with ourselves and get that toxic friend out of life then, well…
we need to grow a pair and cut those strings…now! Tough love tonight ladies and gents.

If a 'friend' is making you feel unhappy, bin it. We need to love ourselves that little bit more to say that enough is enough. We can choose our friends, so why choose crappy ones?

Trust me when I say the only faux you want in your life is fur…cause that shit looks good on a coat.

Until next time,










SHARE:

Monday, 23 May 2016

'Man Crush Monday's...'


Oi oi you lot! Hope you all had a great, relaxing weekend…or a weekend that you are struggling to remember!

So it is back to Monday, and what better way to kick off our week than to have a very gorgeous man grace our screens, I am too good to you I know.

It was a tough choice this week but after verifying the votes…*vote (my blog, my vote…soz), my man crush this week is…


Mr 'Lean in 15' Joe Wicks

Now, some of you may not be familiar with this curly haired hunk (Long, brown, curly hair…I don't have a type do I?) so I'll fill you in.

Mr. Wicks has gone from a 'PT in a Park' to Social Media superstar. And its all thanks to his funny, 15 second Instagram videos showing how to make real, tasty and healthy food! He wants to get the UK, and now the rest of the world (he just got back from the US innit)-

'LEAAAAAANNNNNNNOOOOOO'

by fuelling our bodies correctly with proper food (you can have carbs, real life carbs) in order to #BurnThatFat and get on  the #LeanWagon to #LeanLand…I do love his hashtags, they are quiet something.

I love him…because he is helping me learn to love myself. And the fact the he is proper gorge.
I have always been unhappy with how my body looked. Untoned, podgy, wobbly, all words that flew out of my mouth every time I looked in a mirror but with his workout videos on Youtube I completely changed my body in about 6 weeks and am finally feeling like I'm on the right path to where I want to go (Totes Emosh).

I signed up to his 90 Day 'Shift, Shape and Sustain' Plan and today is my first day following his meal and exercise plan! I cracked the exercise but my nutrition was letting me down. I'm intrigued to see if by August I will have a body rivalling Karlie Kloss' or will I fall flat and end up crying into my 749th chocolate digestive. I will keep you guys posted as to how my progress is going so keep your fingers crossed for me…oh and send telepathic vibes of 'Don't eat the biscuits, don't eat the biscuits…' please.

So if you fancy joining me and the fittie you can check him out here:






Until next time, 





SHARE:
© Being a Groan Up

This site uses cookies from Google to deliver its services - Click here for information.

Blog Layout Designed by pipdig